The school, the ex, and me

Most of you, by now, should have gotten the news that I've started schooling once again. I'm taking a part-time degree course in Tourism & Hospitality Management.

First day of classes was yesterday evening, and it's a pretty small class- 11 part time students. I like small classes; cosy and personal.



But what some of you may not know is that I am studying together with my ex.

Yes, that same ex that made me go crazy couple of months ago, the same one who broke my heart so ever badly, the one who I had no doubtfully had labelled as the love of my (past) life.


We made the decision to study together last year, when we were still together, chubby and happy. Eventhough things had soured between us, I'm not going to let a guy ruin my future or make me change the course that I had intend to study just to avoid him.

I hate giving up, other than giving up on having anymore hopes about us. It is just my character.


So we met for orientation and met at class yesterday.

We still talked as if aquainted, still joked to each other like in the past, but I had made it to myself very clear now that he is no one special anymore.

At least that is how I am going to view him this 2.5years that we would be classmates.


I will no longer treat him special, no longer have hopes on us, and no longer subconciously care for him more than "just friends".

It helps that I know that there is someone new that understands him more than me now, which he did not want to reveal who that person is. But it doesn't really bother me, because when I dig into asking why wasn't I as affected by him not telling me much, like how I was affected always in the past, I realised I have given up and ease my expectations on us. As long as he is happy; happy to withhold information from me, then that is what is important. Happiness is the goal in life.

I tell myself what he choose is what he wants for himself after evaluating the consequences of his decision, and I am not going to go against and fight him on his personal decisions.

This is what I would label as "the effects of giving up".


I like that I no longer yearn so much like what I did before for him, no longer ache when my hopes of him contacting me didn't materialise, no longer lose my head easily. I like that I am more in self-control. I definitely like that my life is now so jam-pack with stuffs to do that I do not even have time to think about relationships much.


Have no expectations, and you'll have no hopes, no misery. How true in my case.


I really wish him all the best, and hope he and I find someone to love as deep as we did before to each other.




I hope this would be the last post I would write about my past relationship. I will try.

Now to take one step at a time, and look forward to my next relationship, which would be a much better and stable one I dare promise.