The love I lost, the lesson I learned, the life I gained.

One day, I talked to a male counterpart, and he gave me some insides to relationship and marriage.

He told me, that in life, we would never find the perfect one to marry; simply because no one but in fairytales is perfect. We would only married the least wrong one.

He also told me, that as we age and mature, our criterias in a mate changes.


I thought about it, and came to my own conclusion.


It broke my heart to have to end my relationship with Elson, because we were simply no longer moving forward. Or probably, I don't see him being able to move forward anymore.

I was working towards improving things. Yes I still had the same old temper, same old sensitivity, same old values. But I was striving with a determined mindset, one that would not give up easily when things turn sour because of quarrels or disagreement, one of commitment, dialogue, mutual support and marriage in future with me being the best wife and mother if possible.


The day I decided to end our relationship was the day he told me that he could no longer strive hard on putting in effort to our relationship, because of the 5 years of torment I had made him endured. 5 years of, what he puts it as; temper, anger issues, never ending expectations and a lost of pride because I constantly put him down.

The day I decided to end our relationship was also the day he told me he felt that there was no longer any sparks in the relationship, eventhough I had misled myself to believing the sparks had return there and then during that period.

The day I decided to end our relationship, my heart shattered once more. It wasn't the notion of breaking up that hurt me, but it was acknowledgement that the love I once had is no longer around. In turn, it was replaced by a love that was undetermined, unpure and full of doubts and selfishness.

I know, I could no longer love him the same.

It hurt to be without him, but it hurt even more to be with him too.


Few days ago, he told me he had wished I had changed and improve my temper, including others I could have guessed.

All I could think was that it was another stamp of assurance that my choice of a breakup was the right one. Because he hadn't accepted the real me in the first place. He was only wanting a different person altogether.


We were no longer happy with each other. He was full of grudge and doubts over our relationship, and I was full of disappointment knowing that he was carrying this burden.



Coming back to what I had talked about in the beginning of this post, I finally understood those words coming out.

In life, we have criterias in our mate of choice. Some criterias are must-haves, and some are just good to have. And knowing these, we would only settle down with those best fitting those criterias, who are the least wrong ones.

For example; a girl who values money and looks more than character and commitment, would settle down with someone who may be able to give her wealth and luxury, but stinge on commitment and loyalty. If she is okay with that, who are we to say that she is stupid?

Because that is a choice she made, to sacrifice loyalty for monetary worth.

She has a different criteria that she value, does that mean she is stupid or evil? Who are we to say that it is wrong for her to want money rather than loyalty? It may be something we would not choose, but it is afterall her own life and values. We shouldn't start playing God here, and should learn to accept people for who they are, unique or difficult as can be as long as their actions do not harm us. And even if they do harm you, just move out of the way and avoid. Simple as that.


Well, everyone has their own different sets of criterias from one another, which boils down to the point that shows that everyone on earth would have someone who loves them for who they are no matter how ugly/fat/bad/greedy/selfish they are.




Like me for instance. I know I'm tempremental, and it doesn't help my fuse is short. A man who values having a mild temper as one of his must-have criteria would of cause not take me into consideration of choosing his mate. However if a man values commitment over temper, then I think he would give me a second thought.

It's a give and take world we live in; you win some, you lose some.

I can never find a guy who is tall, rich, handsome, commited, romantic and funny altogether. That's Edward Cullen; impossible.

But I know what can I sacrifice, what I definitely want in my mate, and how to choose in time to come. Put the drive and motivation in Elson, he would be just what I am looking for. But since it won't be the case, I am left to heal my wounds until I get better, then maybe I'll start opening my heart to other opportunities in future.



For now, I will embrace singlehood without the wanting of a new relationship. I don't believe in rebounds, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone for any selfish gains on my part.