A new experience; surfing @ wavehouse.

Now that I have all the time and no commitment in the world, naturally I often look for things to occupy myself so that I would limit my emo times.


Just 3 days ago, we decided to visit WaveHouse @ Sentosa.

It was pure surfing; body or standing up. And it was tons of fun!

In attendance were Lincoln, Pearl, Kelvin, Anna and me. (Clockwise)

It was everyone's except Kelvin first times, and of course we fall to learn.

Starting of with the rope.

I cannot tell you how exciting it was, but you have to try it to like it. And since Singapore was such a bore, every now and then, we got to do something new in our lives to live life to its fullest.

Well, the evening turned into night when we ended our last 1hr session at 10-11pm.

But not before I had to leave an impression for everyone, including that guy in charge of coaching and us how to surf.


The wavehouse system had two sides, left and right. At any one point of a time, there would be up to a maximum of 10 people taking turns on each side. I was at the right side, surfing my last round, when I fell as usual, but this time landing with a split.

Adding on, I hammered into the middle barricade, and because there was a cushioned flap in between, I ended up getting myself jammed thigh-high at the end of the barricade.

Note red arrow!

My body was covered by that gushing pile of current, and it didn't help that the people below the slope couldn't see me because of the blind spot and angle. At first they thought I had just ended up at the end as usual, however seeing my hand waving the second time, Lincoln ran up sensing something was amist.

After that, the in-charge plus everyone on my side ran up to help assist. The in-charge tried pulling me out to no avail because of the strong current that jammed me into the barricade.

In all, it took about 5-10s before the machine was off and I was finally being pulled out of the barricade.

Throughout the whole incident, I was calm. In my mind, I had even thought "oh can someone see my hands?", and even did a little prayer. I guess diving does help calm my nerves down in water accidents afterall.


The in-charge had quite a scare, and adding to me that in all his history of working there, I was the first one to be stucked in the barricade.

Am I lucky or what. LOL.


But all is well. The only thing I'd complain was that the split was fucking painful! =P

Anyway, we woke up next day having muscle aches on our whole body. And I as usual, have now blue-blacks all over my leg.



I cannot wait to go again the next time! Officially a wavehouse-lover. =)

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love..

"My grades were ok, and I graduated. I met my current boyfriend, and he has been so understanding. Everytime I was sad, he would be there to wipe my tears away. He would always bring smiles onto my face, and make me laugh constantly. This relationship is the best of all my past ones, and I am really really appreciative of my fortune. Even though I seldom show it, I have decided to be commited to this guy for as long as he wants me to be."

- Sunday, June 12, 2005





"I have decided to be commited to this guy for as long as he wants me to be."


Believe it or not, I base my love on this throughout my relationship until this day.

Memories; bitter sweet feelings.

The life I am living currently.

Nothing much to update recently, still the usuals; work, home, outing, clubbing at times.


Talking about clubbing, I really love my new clubbing kakis. Eventhough it is just 4 of us always; Lincoln, Ann, Kian and me, we always never fail to have damn lots of fun.

Ann & Kian are a couple, so Kian is usually Ann's guardian. Lincoln is my bestie, so he's usually my guardian. Ann usually plays evil big sister, so she makes me drink then attempts to take care of me after we both get drunk.

So imagine seeing this 4 people in club, I would laugh my ass off too with the cute sight. Especially when Ann clubs as protective as me, meaning that we don't like to know random people, and we just stick to our own clique. That makes us the group of "dao" clubbers- as I would always put it across to others.

I may club more often than before, now that I have no relationship to occupy my time. Other than that, I catch movies really very often as compared to before with my movie kaki; Nick, and the rest of my other times are meeting up my cousins sometimes for a meal, activity or clubbing as well.


Life is stagnant in a way that I am now free to do whatever I like, whenever I like without obligations to any other persons except my conscience.


However, I still think I fit a life being in a relationship better. It may be partly because I have majority of my life been in one, but it is also because I love to feel love and be in love.

Quarrels and disagreements are part and parcel of a relationship, and I see them positively as opportunities to strengthen the love after a couple clears and comes to a mutual agreement. After so many years in relationships, I have also come to a point where I know myself and my criterias so well that it scares me not being able to find one that would fit those bills.

Yes there are major must-haves for me, and many minors good-to-haves too. I also know there isn't any Mr Perfect in the world.

And I know talking more about this scares the shit out of me too, because what if I remain single till I die? Well, we never know. As hard as I try, I am having great difficulty unloving my ex-boyfriend. I may never find someone good enough to captivate my heart and commitment, or I may never have the courage to pursue another relationship anymore. Who the hell knows.



For now, this is just me- single and utterly complicated.

The love I lost, the lesson I learned, the life I gained.

One day, I talked to a male counterpart, and he gave me some insides to relationship and marriage.

He told me, that in life, we would never find the perfect one to marry; simply because no one but in fairytales is perfect. We would only married the least wrong one.

He also told me, that as we age and mature, our criterias in a mate changes.


I thought about it, and came to my own conclusion.


It broke my heart to have to end my relationship with Elson, because we were simply no longer moving forward. Or probably, I don't see him being able to move forward anymore.

I was working towards improving things. Yes I still had the same old temper, same old sensitivity, same old values. But I was striving with a determined mindset, one that would not give up easily when things turn sour because of quarrels or disagreement, one of commitment, dialogue, mutual support and marriage in future with me being the best wife and mother if possible.


The day I decided to end our relationship was the day he told me that he could no longer strive hard on putting in effort to our relationship, because of the 5 years of torment I had made him endured. 5 years of, what he puts it as; temper, anger issues, never ending expectations and a lost of pride because I constantly put him down.

The day I decided to end our relationship was also the day he told me he felt that there was no longer any sparks in the relationship, eventhough I had misled myself to believing the sparks had return there and then during that period.

The day I decided to end our relationship, my heart shattered once more. It wasn't the notion of breaking up that hurt me, but it was acknowledgement that the love I once had is no longer around. In turn, it was replaced by a love that was undetermined, unpure and full of doubts and selfishness.

I know, I could no longer love him the same.

It hurt to be without him, but it hurt even more to be with him too.


Few days ago, he told me he had wished I had changed and improve my temper, including others I could have guessed.

All I could think was that it was another stamp of assurance that my choice of a breakup was the right one. Because he hadn't accepted the real me in the first place. He was only wanting a different person altogether.


We were no longer happy with each other. He was full of grudge and doubts over our relationship, and I was full of disappointment knowing that he was carrying this burden.



Coming back to what I had talked about in the beginning of this post, I finally understood those words coming out.

In life, we have criterias in our mate of choice. Some criterias are must-haves, and some are just good to have. And knowing these, we would only settle down with those best fitting those criterias, who are the least wrong ones.

For example; a girl who values money and looks more than character and commitment, would settle down with someone who may be able to give her wealth and luxury, but stinge on commitment and loyalty. If she is okay with that, who are we to say that she is stupid?

Because that is a choice she made, to sacrifice loyalty for monetary worth.

She has a different criteria that she value, does that mean she is stupid or evil? Who are we to say that it is wrong for her to want money rather than loyalty? It may be something we would not choose, but it is afterall her own life and values. We shouldn't start playing God here, and should learn to accept people for who they are, unique or difficult as can be as long as their actions do not harm us. And even if they do harm you, just move out of the way and avoid. Simple as that.


Well, everyone has their own different sets of criterias from one another, which boils down to the point that shows that everyone on earth would have someone who loves them for who they are no matter how ugly/fat/bad/greedy/selfish they are.




Like me for instance. I know I'm tempremental, and it doesn't help my fuse is short. A man who values having a mild temper as one of his must-have criteria would of cause not take me into consideration of choosing his mate. However if a man values commitment over temper, then I think he would give me a second thought.

It's a give and take world we live in; you win some, you lose some.

I can never find a guy who is tall, rich, handsome, commited, romantic and funny altogether. That's Edward Cullen; impossible.

But I know what can I sacrifice, what I definitely want in my mate, and how to choose in time to come. Put the drive and motivation in Elson, he would be just what I am looking for. But since it won't be the case, I am left to heal my wounds until I get better, then maybe I'll start opening my heart to other opportunities in future.



For now, I will embrace singlehood without the wanting of a new relationship. I don't believe in rebounds, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone for any selfish gains on my part.

Miss you Manado..

It was a gorgeous and fun trip to Manado, with blue waters, funny divers and the beautiful sea.

I could just do this forever...

1st holiday cum dive of 2010

Goodbye again, Singapore.

6D5N holiday trip to Manado, one of the best dive spots in the world.

Leaving later at 9plus am by Silkair. I wonder how the flight's gonna be.

Heh heh!

Ok bye people. Will try to tweet or post pic in Manado if there's Wifi or complimentary internet at our resort. =)

07JAN10 (Thu): A hard journey

If you just realize what I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another

Just realized what I just realized

We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now...