ahappierjoy

... hate that I love you

2010-11-30T03:31:00.000+08:00

one of these days maybe your magic won't affect me,

and your kiss won't make me weak,

but no one in this world knows me the way you know me,

so you'll probably always have a spell on me.

and i hate how much i love you boy,

i can't stand how much i need you.

and i hate that i love you so, so.

A teenage dream...

2010-11-10T09:03:00.001+08:00

First photoshoot; Jap Vampire

2010-10-23T18:11:00.000+08:00

Pictures were shot @ Fort Canning.

i LOVE it.

Can't wait to do more in future. =)

Never say never?

2010-10-23T05:55:00.000+08:00

It's not easy meeting someone who you could have such electrifying chemistry in such a short time.

Neither is it easy meeting someone who could change all your beliefs, and make you accept things that you never ever thought were possible.

And it's even harder to meet someone who you would accept all their past flaws that you once condemned so much before so effortlessly.

Yet the hardest part is when both sides feel exactly the same, yet are unable to do anything about it.

I heard once of a saying that a soulmate isn't someone you should have, but someone who is in your life to make you understand yourself even better through life.

Yet I find it hard to just accept this logic.

I've never been much of a rule follower, for I follow my heart and what it tells me.

Is this just a cruel twist of fate- a vision of a soulmate who one could never have.

23SEP10 (Thur); Miss me like I miss you?

2010-09-23T00:04:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time..

Hello.

7 Sept 2010

2010-09-07T16:24:00.002+08:00

"Did I marry the right person?"

2010-08-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

A story.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked theiridiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have toDO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love. Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

'Whoever walks into your life, it is up to you to decide who you let to walk away, who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

_____________________________________________________________________________

I will.

And I am ready to let go.

May I have the chance to meet someone who thinks and feel like me (that above exactly) in future.

The death of Love

2010-08-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

Love never dies a natural death.

It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.

It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.

It dies of illness and wounds.

It dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Dreaming of my man?

2010-08-12T02:46:00.000+08:00

These few days I've been dreaming about other guys- one of which I have never met before, and one of who fancies me but I do not feel the same way towards him.

Yesterday was a wierd one.

I dream I woke up, in the toilet, naked, in the arms of the (aboved mentioned) guy who likes me.

Yet in the dream, he was somewhat different. Different in the sense where I did not dislike him as much as I do in real life, but in the dream, I felt his gentleness and TLC. It seemed in the dream that he was (sad to say) not as bad as real life.

In it, I woke up and realised I was drunk, and somehow I must have insisted in my drunken state in bathing and he has no choice but to help me bathe. (Which has happened before with my ex anyway. I'm just a little more anal about bathing before I sleep, drunk or not.)

So when I got sober in the toilet, and found myself naked in the arms of that guy, I was shock at first.

Then I felt vulnerable- feelings that I often feel when I think back on my failed relationship.

I begun to cry, I felt so helpless.

Yet in his embrace, I felt so so comforted. The guy kept comforting me with his words, ensuring me that he would always be there beside me no matter what, and so forth.

And at that moment I could also trust him to not lust and take advantage of me. It seemed that he really loved me not to take advantage of me eventhough I had been stoned.

I really felt so loved, so fortunate.

Then I bloody had to wake up by a telephone call informing me that I had overslept for work.

Damn it.

I wish it were real.

I wish I could meet someone who could give me back the security and trust I had lost in man.

I wish.

Travel & buy: [London] Nail Polish Remover

2010-07-25T18:37:00.002+08:00

Remember just a few posts ago when I was harping about my first hair dryer that I bought on my last London trip. Here's it in the package, which I've already used a few times.

I just pack it back once it was done cause the package is still too gorgeous to throw away.

Just now, I also recalled buying a nail polish remover the same time I did with this hair dryer.

You know how akin to in-house brands that you see in Singapore, like Watsons-brand household products for different things such as nail poslish remover, cotton pads, etc; that these items sold by these in-house brands always carries a stigma for being of lower quality?

They're usually cheaper than the imported items, and we always have the stereotype that cheap means less quality.

Because of that stereotype too, I had never fancied any in-house brands before. I mean I do use them for certain less important items, but never for my shampoo, soap, etc that are more personal.

Even nail polish removers, I tend to go for more well-known brand like Salley Hansens, which I know would definitely work well. I don't like to try in-house brands for the fear of inferior outcome that may just waste my money and make me disappointed in the end.

When I went to Boots; a local chain of pharmacy store in London; (very much alike to Guardian and Watsons in SG), along with the hair dryer, I also bought some other things. Within these items was a Boots-branded nail polish remover.

I think I bought it because my Salley Hansens was running out, I couldn't be bothered to wait any longer, and that Boots was having a huge sale anyways.

So today was the first day I opened the bottle, and boy was I in for a surprise.

As you can see, it is acetone-free. It's important to always use acetone-free nail polish remover if you are the type who always paint their nails, because normal nail polish removers that do not have this label definitely has acetone in it, and acetone harms your nails.

But what is more rewarding than its basic function is that the Boots expert acetone free nail polish remover smells great!

And I mean, GREAT.

You know how the normal nail polish remover always smell strong and nasty? And smelling too much makes you groggy?

And the once that are scented (like from Faceshop) usually don't come in acetone-free variety.

This totally smelled like ICE-CREAM. *yums*

I did a smell test, and bought my hand to Kevin right after removal. I asked him to take a sniff, and he commented it smelled like candies.

Even if you took a direct whiff from the bottle itself, it wouldn't be as bad as the normal nail polish removers that would hit you so bad, you would imagine yourself falling back. It was still strong but bearable.

And it works just as well too.

So the next time I head to Great Britain again, I would love to stock this up again~!

男人女人

2010-07-22T20:00:00.000+08:00

爱爱爱爱了几回

也明白其中滋味

付出的从来不会等于收回

我却还在等待着谁能出现

伤伤伤伤了几回

也曾经为爱憔悴

爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈

我却还是学不会狠心对谁

男人男人多希望你是好人

多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

女人女人我答应做个好人

我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

爱爱爱爱了几回

也明白其中滋味

付出的从来不会等于收回

我却还在等待着谁能出现

伤伤伤伤了几回

也曾经为爱憔悴

爱情好人总比坏人狼狈

我却还是学不会狠心对谁

男人男人多希望你是好人

多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

女人女人我答应做个好人

我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

男人男人多希望你是好人

多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

女人女人我答应做个好人

不会再让我(你)心疼一等再等

你就是我等的那个人

男人男人

女人女人

多么希望你是对的人

Truly, how I feel right now.

I really miss cosplaying...

2010-07-19T03:16:00.000+08:00

Few of us Final Fantasy characters

Super miss.

Bimbo Hair Dryer

2010-07-15T00:30:00.001+08:00

I know how sickening it is to always read all my emo posts.

"Where has the joyful joy went to?" Sometimes I ask that question myself too.

But lets divert our attention away from my sucky life, and talk a little something more cheery and definitely bimbotic.

MY NEW HAIR DRYER!

Meet my new Umberto Giannini Big Blow Out Hair Dryer.

Comes with 3 nozzles; each with different colours (so cute!), including one diffuser.

3m cord, very powerful (in terms of strength), hot/cold functions, the atas "ion" function, and definitely looking damn fine in white.

Now comes the important part. Price.

WAS supposed to cost SGD$120+, but I got it during sale for half price!!

=D =D =D

I'm so exciting because I've been nagging myself on getting a hair dryer for close to 2 years now. Can you believe I don't even have a decent hair dryer at home? The only one I had was a small portable one that only had hot heat, was weak, made of cheap plastic, and threatened to burn my scalp everytime it got too near.

I was ready to pay $100+ for a good saloon one, but was just procrasinating over such a long time.

Now I'm glad I procrasinated!

Materialistic?

2010-07-12T23:53:00.006+08:00

I've met someone "special" this time round.

I met a colleague, who shared with me on her marriage and problems. Knowing that I was single, she forewarn me to marry a "rich men". To her, an older rich men, is what every girl should find.

She then told me her experience with her husband. They dated for 7 years before getting married and have been married for 3 more.

Recently they were planning for a baby, but things hadn't been going smoothly.

Because of financial disagreements, she has pondered on leaving him because of problems in their baby plans. She told me that she was going to quit if they were going to have a baby (to take advantage of the market's 4 month maternity leave). However, they had had arguements because she finds that he did not want to support her financially enough if she were to quit and get a office job that pays about $2k after CPF. Her comfortable rate was about $3k/mth, and she was expecting him to at least give her additions to meet that amount.

Her husband is a stockbroker whose income could easily reach close to 10k/mth, and his reasoning for not wanting to pay her any amount was because his income had not been good starting from this year.

On top of her baby allowance that she wanted, she also admitted to me she was a materialistic girl who loves shopping and branded stuff. She's constantly comparing herself to her ex-school mates who were staying in landed properties (she stays in a HDB) and people who carried Hermes and Chanels.

And so the whole time, she was going on about how disgrunted she was financially, how she and her husband could not stand each other, and how much she envied other richer people.

Then it occured to me, how I wished my ex knew this girl.

It is because we do not meet that many variety of people that people tend not to appreciate what is before us. We humans are judgemental and very critical.

And just because I had started working, and started liking slightly more branded stuffs, I was once labelled materialistic. Till today, it still greatly bugs me on how misunderstood I am.

I mean I know for a fact that in everyone of us; whether male or female; we have a materialistic side to us. For guys, it's usually cars and gadgets. And to girls, its bags, shoes and clothes. Tell me, which girl doesn't like pretty things? From pretty barbie dolls when we were young, to pretty handbags when we are older- is it wrong?

I personally don't feel that it is a BAD thing to like branded stuffs. The only difference is how much one values and strives for it. There are people who craves so badly for them that they are willing to forgo other necessities like food and savings just so that they could own the latest design in town, and everything about their lives revolves around the brands and their looks. Yet there are people who indulge themselves once awhile when they feel they could afford to. I believe I belong to the latter.

Yet, does belonging to the latter mean that we are labelled equally to the former group of materialistics?

If guys wanted girls who were so simple that no materialistic cravings came into their minds, shouldn't they try for nuns instead?

And I'm not gunning down real materialistic girls over here. I'm sure that there are guys who likes materialistic girls too, because they may share same values in life. There's always someone fitted for another in this world, no matter how fat/ugly/hot tempered/stubborn/etc you are.

In any case, meeting this girl really has broaden my perspective on life again.

One for a fact is that, I know for sure that I would never ever think of leaving my husband if he could not give me shopping money next time. I will only, if I ever were to, marry because of LOVE, and being the most supportive partner as I can be would be what I would give, even if it has to mean that I have to sacrifice on my shopping treats.

And then, some people will rebuke me saying, "you cannot survive on love alone". That I would have to comment that if you love greatly enough, you would both be working partners in life. And partners meant supporting one another in EVERYTHING, including financially, mentally and spiritually.

There so much more I could go on about my philosophies in love, but that is something only few really know and admire me for. Even I have to admire myself sometimes.

Yet since I am single now, of course I would want to pamper myself first before having a family. Would you want to wait till you had a family, ridden with debts by housing loans and car payments, before you blame yourself of not having the chance to pamper yourself?

I would definitely start saving even more in future if I had to pay for a house. But not so much right now when I don't even have a boyfriend to begin with.

Secondly, I hate it when people look down on HDB-dwellers. I have had a ex-friend who once told me that she was so embarassed of having to downgrade from a condo to her HDB just because her dad could no longer afford the maintenance. The thought of her remark really discusts me till today.

What is wrong with staying in a HDB anyway? What's with these people acting so atas and looking down on most of the Singaporeans who lives in these estates?

I personally know of people who are cash-rich and staying in HDB flats, and there are people who are cash-poor and financially burdened by their private estates/condos. And lets not go on to those filthy rich. They have their rich problems too, I'll bet.

So, is money really thaaaaat important?

I feel family and health always comes first before career and money.

No point being so rich, yet having fake friends around you who would leave you the moment you get poor. Or that all you earn goes into your future medical bill solely to be blamed on your younger days when you work too hard and did not take care of your own body. It's so real,so common and so sad in this world, that people just judge and like you for what job you hold, what clothes you wear and how much cash is in your pocket.

Even more annoying than people who view money as #1, is people who ACT like they have money so that people can be impressed with them. Yuck.

And thirdly, I know for sure; thanks to meeting this colleague of mine; that I am definitely NOT a very materialistic girl. I'm just one of the common girl next door that loves to indulge themselves once in awhile to feel satisfied.

But hey, this is just my own personal opinion.

Why I am just so bothered by this issue is because I had once been wrongly judge as being materialistic, when I could have easily said I would be the last person standing even if my ex were poor, without a job or even sick for life.

I guess I'm just too loyal for my own good, or it could simply be true love on my silly part.

I'm curious to see how long I take to recover though.

I've always heard of people who takes years to recover, or quicker when they meet someone really special. We'll see.

/edit

I guess, one reason why it's so hard to let go, it's because deep inside, eventhough I've seen the drastic change in him and he is no longer who I once fell in love with, I still hold on to the believe that the core of what I'd love about him is still there.

And maybe the second reason is because I don't have a clear sign from him- yet.

Cosfest IX Day 2

2010-07-09T09:35:00.002+08:00

My Final Fantasy XIII group mates.

(2 missing because of unforeseen circumstances)

My favourite picture! =)

I think I did a fair presentation of Lebreau this time. Still have to retailor some parts to perfect the outfit for future cosplay events.

We'll still be arranging for official FF13 photoshoot in future too~ =D

And, (nearly) my entire group of friends in the cosplay community.

<3 Cosplay!

Now, I have to begin thinking of new character for the upcoming event end of this year.

Cosfest IX Day 1

2010-07-04T01:21:00.000+08:00

Just one of the many few. =)

Penny for my thought #6

2010-06-30T01:09:00.002+08:00

A simple thought.

Are you happier before, or after?

Happiness counts.

Happiness should be what life is ultimately about.

I was, before.

Now...

Try a smile

2010-06-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I wrote something uplifting, so much so that I may have forgotten the feeling of satisfaction.

I'm on a slow road to recovery. It's been half a year now and I still do struggle sometimes. Sometimes up, yet many splat-on-the-floor downs.

One thing for sure, I am so relieved of completing one report that I had dread for the past couple of weeks. Work, studies and play don't coordinate really well for me, therefore I'd been feeling really stress. More to come though.

I've also taken new steps to settling my emotions, something personal, something my close friends and family has all been really supportive of. Thank you.

I'll stop short of here now.

Dilema & Hiatus

2010-06-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

There's so many things I want to tell you, but can't do so, in fear of rejection, criticism or simply finding out that you no longer cared.

Are you faking it, or are you really happier now.

I don't know which one I want more.

Hiatus for now. Need to cope first.

Penny for my thought #5

2010-06-18T03:08:00.000+08:00

男人.

男人男人多希望你是好人, 多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼...

Will I ever overcome this.. ="(

Penny for my thought #4

2010-06-10T13:38:00.000+08:00

Assumption.

True, you never said you did not love me.

Yet, you did not say you did either.

At the most crucial of times, you chose not to reply.
Silence does not mean consent in such times.

A penny for my thought #3

2010-06-07T20:44:00.001+08:00

Death.

I used to be scared of dying, because I was afraid my ex would be devastated should anything happen to me, and plus I did not want the then-happiness to end soon, thus I took heed of ever doing dangerous stuffs.

Now, that fear is no where to be found anymore.

People may say, if you die, your family will be sad, etc. Yes they would be sad, I know, but we can never predict our departure.

If my time is up, it is. I would not fear it anymore.

Time to take risks and enjoy life while it lasts.

We were...

2010-06-03T23:55:00.001+08:00

Don't mess with me

2010-06-03T17:52:00.002+08:00

So yesterday I met up with Jolyn and new clique for a night out. Eventhough it was my second time to Rebel, I am officially swearing off that place.

Firstly, it was a congregation of 40% Chinese, the rest other races. It was excruciating seeing other funny dance movement swirling around us. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Secondly, I nearly got myself into a fight. My first fight ever in my life, and not with a girl, but a guy.

Lets just say I did not drink much yesterday, I went into the dance floor wide awake, and the minute I stepped in, I found his hands on my boobs. My eyes followed the hand onto a Indian (the white kind) guy who already had his arms around another Indian girl. I looked him in the eye, and he still could smile at me. Bloody fucker!! So I told myself, "do first talk later".

My fist found itself at his most exposed area, his neck, and it was a pity he was too far and too tall for my knuckle to reach his face. I would have love to make that god riddance face bleed so badly.

Next was a struggle from both sides as my clique held me back, his holding him back and shouts from both sides.

I screamed at that fucker's friend that that asshole touched my breast, and I seriously wanted a fight. So what if I am a woman. Of course after that, I did intend to get the bouncers' and police help on pressing charges.

A minute of struggle later, (with that fucker trying to hit me too but his hand only swing across my hair) I tried to kick him but did not know who I ended up kicking in the mess.

In the end, both sides brought us far away from each other, and all I ended up was a spoiled beginning of what would have been an awful night at Rebel.

Eventhough my mood cleared at the later part, the music at Rebel didn't help pick things up. In fact, it was horrible. We left at 3plus, and went home straight.

.
.
.

Anyway, I have a personal discovery I would like to share.

In clubs, I realise there are somewhat "etiquettes" shown from guys while on the dancefloor. The usual would be for a guy who wants to dance to either:

1) Ask if he could dance with you- which RARELY ever happens
2) Close in on you and watch your body language if you'll like to dance with him
3) Prays and hope that the girl he has targetted is as flirtatious as him, and would automatically and spontaneously start the grinding session once she notices his presence. *rolls eyes*

Usually, it's a fight between option 2 & 3.

So if the guy thinks the 2nd option has shown positive results, he'll start to place his hands on your waist (usually from behind because the girl would be facing her clique anyways and he'll always have to start from the back) and see your response.

Of course there are girls who don't mind, and the grinding and flirtation begins. And of course with a flip of a coin, there will be girls like me who would take those hands off, turn around, give him a smile and nod, and kindly decline his offer.

During bad days, girls end up meeting fuckers who think they can take advantage of the seemingly drunk girls and bad lighting to anyhow grobe girls who walk past, and walk away unfazed. That's IF he does not meet girls like me.

*

On a side note, I feel I've changed.

No longer do I like binge-drinking, and I have become more aggressive when it comes to protecting myself. I think it's the singlehood that has changed me, for I know there is no one to protect me anymore except myself.

I also realised I still do love dancing, so Pearl, count me in on the dancefloor but not the booze! =)

Howdy Partner!

2010-05-26T19:09:00.000+08:00

I'm in Houston; the land of cowboys and rodeo. First time here, quite sua ku actually.

maybe in one of these buildings...

This time, I met alot of amazing people. People who work hard and play harder altogether, peeps that I really feel a bond with. Guys, girls, married, attached, single- we all bond alike and the chemistry is awesome.

We had 2 superb gatherings, and I can't wait for 2 more to come. =D

In about 2 hours time, about 9-10 of us would be heading down to (I forgot what that area is really called) a factory outlet area/mall, 3hours drive away from our hotel.

Renting 2 cars, and one of its drivers would be the first-time me because there is no other drivers available except me and 2 other guys.

Quite excited, nervous and anxious on experiencing my first left-hand drive later, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that nothing goes wrong.

As usual, am experiencing JETLAG again. I am sleep-deprived yet not able to sleep enough to catch up on it because of the vast GMT and body clock difference I face in Houston versus SG.

Sucks.

Alcohol & me

2010-05-13T14:01:00.000+08:00

I read an article today on "Mind Your Body", about alcohol addiction.

I think I may have just skimmed past it.

"Alcohol affects central nervous system. It can sedate- or blackout- the brain such that emotions can take over. Many alcoholics cannot recall their strange behaviour later because of this blackout they experience".

"Because alcohol is a depressant, excessive drinking can lead to alcohol-induced mood disorder in the long run. Such people are constantly in a depressed mood and show a lack of interest in daily activities. The symptoms mimic that of depression".

Whoa.

I did have quite a number of blackouts happening in my later days of drinking. And I did have depression.

But this serves as a reminder to me to stop binge drinking. And gladly, I am ready to not club anymore. Quit would be too strong a word, because there may be occasions that I have to show face to invitations. But the interest has definitely died down for me in the clubbing scene.

Oh no.. I am really now turning into a plain boring bookworm jane doe.

How to score in your reports?

2010-05-13T01:07:00.007+08:00

I am now having a conversation with my friend, who happens to me one of my most unique friend out of everyone I know. He is smart, very smart.

By smart, I mean one of the top few scholars in NUS of his time and batch, and a true blue academic. (People now STILL studying getting his PhD. Eeks!)

So since I was starting school, I asked him how to score well in reports/thesis. And this was part of our conversation:

most impt is think deeper

I very scared I don't know how to think deeper

haha
ur thoughts are so deep when u think of BGR
dun tell me u dunno how to think deep
haha

LOL. WTF right!!

I'm glad there's someone to "motivate" me through my studies though. Don't know how I would cope if there's no positive motivating factors to push me forward.

~Kampateh!

A penny for my thought #2

2010-05-12T02:38:00.001+08:00

I sometimes am truly amused by how mess up my life is now. And now that I've read for awhile, I am able to put it in writing how it's like for me...

I love him, but yet I do not want to love him, because I know even if I love him he does not want to be with me, so what for still love him. But in love, you can't choose to suddenly just unlove someone, unless you really don't love him that much. So even if I know that I myself am able to still fight on for this relationship, I am not willing to, because he is not willing to.

I self-motivate (or delusionise if you want to put it negatively) myself whenever I feel weak. Weak in the sense where I start to miss him and start to yearn for his existence. I tell myself what I just typed above, and I would feel better. I talk like that to myself, in hopes that it would turn out to be true, in hopes that I would start truly believing that I can, and will, in the end, let him go.

Am still doing so.

Am I truly looking forward to the future? I fight that question mentally everyday.

The school, the ex, and me

2010-05-11T16:29:00.001+08:00

Most of you, by now, should have gotten the news that I've started schooling once again. I'm taking a part-time degree course in Tourism & Hospitality Management.

First day of classes was yesterday evening, and it's a pretty small class- 11 part time students. I like small classes; cosy and personal.

But what some of you may not know is that I am studying together with my ex.

Yes, that same ex that made me go crazy couple of months ago, the same one who broke my heart so ever badly, the one who I had no doubtfully had labelled as the love of my (past) life.

We made the decision to study together last year, when we were still together, chubby and happy. Eventhough things had soured between us, I'm not going to let a guy ruin my future or make me change the course that I had intend to study just to avoid him.

I hate giving up, other than giving up on having anymore hopes about us. It is just my character.

So we met for orientation and met at class yesterday.

We still talked as if aquainted, still joked to each other like in the past, but I had made it to myself very clear now that he is no one special anymore.

At least that is how I am going to view him this 2.5years that we would be classmates.

I will no longer treat him special, no longer have hopes on us, and no longer subconciously care for him more than "just friends".

It helps that I know that there is someone new that understands him more than me now, which he did not want to reveal who that person is. But it doesn't really bother me, because when I dig into asking why wasn't I as affected by him not telling me much, like how I was affected always in the past, I realised I have given up and ease my expectations on us. As long as he is happy; happy to withhold information from me, then that is what is important. Happiness is the goal in life.

I tell myself what he choose is what he wants for himself after evaluating the consequences of his decision, and I am not going to go against and fight him on his personal decisions.

This is what I would label as "the effects of giving up".

I like that I no longer yearn so much like what I did before for him, no longer ache when my hopes of him contacting me didn't materialise, no longer lose my head easily. I like that I am more in self-control. I definitely like that my life is now so jam-pack with stuffs to do that I do not even have time to think about relationships much.

Have no expectations, and you'll have no hopes, no misery. How true in my case.

I really wish him all the best, and hope he and I find someone to love as deep as we did before to each other.

I hope this would be the last post I would write about my past relationship. I will try.

Now to take one step at a time, and look forward to my next relationship, which would be a much better and stable one I dare promise.

Love; over the years

2010-05-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

"Life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults, and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship."

08MAY10 (Sat); Orientation Day

2010-05-08T08:25:00.000+08:00

时候去上学了!

"Tourism and Hospitality Management" =)

I am nervous, excited and hopeful altogether. Mixed emotions.

Part-time studies will be tough, but I am sure I will study even harder than in the past because this time, I will feel the pinch on paying for my course fees on my own.

Bestie was super sweet to have sent me a sms late last night to wish me all the best in my study endeavour that starts today. Thank you bestie~!

Okay then.

All the best to me.

I hope I don't break down from stress for the 2 year course. LOL.

[Random] Joy @ Greece

2010-05-03T02:52:00.002+08:00

My friend sent these pictures to me over the internet few weeks ago during the euro airspace shutdown period.

He was suppose to head to Greece in a few days time, and was worried he would lose money because of the shutdown.

All cancelled flight.

Luckily the airspace did reopen subsequently, and he managed to travel to Greece. He met me there too..

Looks like my food is quite visually-appetising. =)

27APR10 (Tue); This is how Jap pancakes should be!

2010-04-27T19:22:00.002+08:00

Look at how thin the flour is, and how thick the red bean paste filling is!

Cannot get enough!

YUM YUM YUM YUM!

Only in Japan.

SG, you giam ji ku!

如果這就是愛情

2010-04-27T02:08:00.001+08:00

Yep. 這就是我的愛情.

Every word and sentence of the lyrics purely sings out my heart.

A penny for my thought

2010-04-26T20:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, how I wished I were still together with him, because it would be much more fun doing all the things I know he would certainly like. Kind of spoils the mood when you feel like buying something so much, yet realise you no longer have that soulmate to share it with.

Worst still, you know he would 110% love it. So you kick yourself awake, put the temptation down, walk on and tell yourself to hope for a chance to buy it in future for someone lucky enough.

Dr Phil's Relationship Rescue

2010-04-25T22:49:00.002+08:00

I bought this book not for the sake of patching up with my ex, but to better equip myself with the understandings of relationships better, so that the same mistake won't happen to me twice.

Seems really interesting and different from the ones that talk about how to have a better relationship. Instead, the book touches on 10 myths about relationships that can sabotage even the most healthy of loves:

Myth #1: A great r/s depends on a great meeting of the minds

Myth #2: A great r/s demands a great romance

Myth #3: A great r/s requires great problem-solving

Myth #4: A great r/s requires common interests that bond you together forever

Myth #5: A great r/s is a peaceful one

Myth #6: A great r/s lets you vent all your feelings

Myth #7: A great r/s has nothing to do with sex

Myth #8: A great r/s cannot survive a flawed partner

Myth #9: There is a right way and a wrong way to make your r/s great

Myth #10: Your r/s can only become great when you get your partner straightened out

I'm sure many of us have already identified the types of myths that applies to us in our thinking, and those that your partner believes in. =)

That's why, it's really interesting how this book is going to explain how these believes sabotages our love.

Love box who wants?

2010-04-25T01:24:00.001+08:00

Will I be able to create something like that again in future?

Just when I thought this was just a start to many yet to happen, it abruptly had to end.

And here I thought I could do more surprise meals in future. Just as the "housewife" in me was starting to wake, I had to take a stick to hit her into comatose.

LOL.

And I didn't even get my lunchboxes back. =/

So much anticipation in me, no outlet in sight.

Blah sloooowly!

Acceptance; onward march!

2010-04-22T19:11:00.002+08:00

I read a really meaningful book just these few days.. and it taught me alot of things about true love.

Together with what my friend had advise me, I intend now to let go of all my hatred and hurt against my ex.

Indeed, he could be my true love, or he could not.

I know I would gladly die for him without any qualms, change for him just to grow old with him in this life, starve with him even if he goes broke, love him still whether he has money or not.

Yet, as my friend places it, if he was really my true love, would my true love keep hurting me over and over again?

He hurt me when he wage our first cold war with me, which led to our first breakup.

He hurt me when he decided to write a letter to break up with me, that was our second.

He hurt me when he decided to like and start a relationship my ex bestie, which was utterly the most hurtful thing in my 23 years of age at that time.

He hurt me when I asked if he loved me, a simple yes/no question, and he replied instead that "we had to work on our relationship".

He hurt me when he decided to just stay as friends because he is scared of relationships. (How do you FRIEND your ex who you love so much?!)

If he's scared, I should be petrified of relationships now.

So many backlashes, yet I was still unwilling to give up until the final "lets be friends" issue.

And can you believe I STILL LOVE HIM AS MUCH UP TILL NOW.

Omg.

It's like my love for him is endless. Sometimes I amaze myself too.

So is he my true love, tell me?

I don't know.

What I do know is that all my previous said things I would do for him still applies. And it will apply until the day it graduately dies away.

I love you El Chong. But if you have to go, I will let you go.

That is the least I could do.

To me, so long as there is still love, there will be a way. Since your love for me does not let you feel the same vice versa as what I do for you, then I cannot force things on you too.

I will move on with the wonderful memories we'd shared.

Maybe years later you decide to show up to love me again, or, maybe years later we'd both found other people to love.. we never know.

All I understand is that since you are moving on finely, that I am also ready to move on now.

Thank you.

The difference between you & me

2010-04-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

To you:

I can live without you. I will prove to you and myself I can live without you.

To me:

I, too, can live without you. But I don't want to, YET I have to.

Understand the difference? Feel the difference?

Try hard? No harder.

2010-04-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

1. Out of sight, out of mind. Check.

2. Occupy yourself with activities. Check.

3. Think positive and look on the bright sight of life. What I am going through is tiny compared to the entire universe. Shall check.

***

Methods my friend taught me in handling heart breaks. Wise. Must follow!

Why say goodbye?

2010-04-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

"I feel you're not ready for marriage", says you so easily.

How stereotypical.

Doesn't mean I like clubbing, that means my life is all about clubbing.

Doesn't mean I like going and hanging out, that means I hate to stay at home.

Doesn't mean I save less than some people, that means I don't save for my future.

Why is it that we always seem to be hurt by people's judgements.

Now I tell you, a out-going girl can also like staying home.

A clubber can also like a quiet stroll by the beach.

A person who save little may in fact be because alot of it goes into insurance investment.

It all depends on mood, doesn't it?

Cherish me? Are you sure you did?

Will you ever find someone who could love you so wholeheartedly.

6 years of 100% true loyal feelings, didn't that count as something?

3 years she loved you even with your constant low self-esteem, dismissing them and instead encouraging you all the way.

2 years she stuck with you during your army days, when other girlfriends could not.

1 year of crash and burn incidents, she still loved you as strongly as before with no change.

Even after experiencing double betrayal, she still held on.

Even after being labelled as a hindrance towards peace, she still held on.

Even after knowing that you didn't want to introduce her to your friends, she still held on.

And yet, now you said you just wanted to be JUST FRIENDS.

Please, don't count that girl in if you want to continue to be self-delusional.

Say all that you might in your friend theory, but I had always believe that we would go all the way till the end.

Even till grave.

Till death do us part; I was that ready since many years ago.

What did I end up with?

Forever Friends.

FML.

Still remember I ever told you of this phrase in a song I dedicated to you:

I love you, yes I do

I'll be with you as long as you want me to

Until (until) the end (the end) of time

Reread the second line.

My loyalty goes to that extent- as long as you want me to.

But as FRIENDS? You must be living in a world I can no longer exist in.

____________________________________________________________________________________
Come to think of it, you giving all the reasons for the cause of our failure in the relationship is because you no longer believed in us, that I am no longer the girl you wanted to marry in the end.

If you'd loved and believed in someone so wholeheartedly, even if I'd matured and change overtime, you would still be here for me and stuck to the very end- just like what I had done for you all the way.

Call me dumb or stupid, but I now really believe that true love is sticking and believing in the other person eventhough that person has made mistakes or gone into prison. Which human don't err, tell me? As long as they are repentent, we should always give them a chance.
I had believed and always worked on improving things between us with determination and sincerity. I think you had gone the opposite into always focusing on our past and problems from the past till present.

Why can't you ever look forward to the future with determination of the end result?

Have you feared that hoping would give you false hopes in the end?

What did you think I faced when I dated Mike, then patched with you after? Didn't I too faced your family's repercussions with determined belief that all would die down after I prove to them that I was real with you?

Why do you let the possibility of facing such setbacks from mine affect your determination on our relationship? Is your pride and ego so much more important than having someone who truly loved you be your companion in this life?

What if I tell you that I'll never ever leave you unless you want me to, or upon death?

Would you believe me? (I think you and I know the answer would be NO.)

Because you've lost all hopes & beliefs in us.

~ I didn't want to have the chance to relate to "Michael Learns to Rock- 25 minutes", that's why I choose to leave to try to find someone who's determined to be more than just friends till the end. You looking me back after realisation would be something I will force all hope out from.

17APR10 (Sat); Good Morning SG.. =.=

2010-04-17T07:56:00.000+08:00

Like my new fringe?

What about Michael?

Might as well like the combo, hor! XP

Somehow, everytime my love life sucks to the max, I would always change the way I look from before. (Although never to short hair because I know I look better with long.)

I just think the old me needs to go.

Refresh, restart.

Looks; check.

Now is the hardest part; the heart.

How to ever check that, that I do not know.

Only my temporary boyfriend would know- Mr Time.

06APR10 (Tue); Cold London

2010-04-06T17:59:00.001+08:00

Heading out into the cold of London.

Me no likey too cold a weather..

Tonight might be heading out to catch a musical too; Avenue Q!

(Watched Avenue Q in SG before. Bet the original from London would be waaaay better~)

Virgo in Love & Relationship

2010-04-01T13:27:00.002+08:00

Virgos are often one of the most misunderstood signs of the zodiac. They are so careful to conceal their emotions; they are often seen as cold or uncaring. But don't let the Virgos fool you! Underneath their shield is a sensitive, sensuous being, very capable of giving as well as receiving love.

Virgo Women

On the outside, Virgo women seem calm, cool, and collected, almost to the point of being remote. But, do not let her outward demeanor fool you. Virgo women have emotions surging through their veins, but these emotions so intense, they often scare her. She can be seen as reserved or aloof because of she realises the intensity of her emotions and is trying to control them through self-discipline. Her distant nature also helps her ward off the advances of the wrong men.

Like all Earth signs, Virgo is a mysterious mixture of both sensuality and conservatism. Virgo women are often very cautious when becoming involved with others. She weighs relationships very carefully because she fears ending up trapped with the wrong man. Because of this, falling in love may take some time. As a relationship grows and the Virgo woman learns to trust her mate, she will reveal her sensitive side. The Virgo woman doesn't mind waiting for Mr. Right. In fact, she would rather stay home, curled up with a good book than date Mr. Wrong. She is a believer in true love and once she finds it, her control will loosen. She will become a passionate, sensitive lover, but only once she is sure you are the one.

Ahhh.. Now look at the analogy of my past r/s...

Virgo & Scorpio

Natives of both Virgo and Scorpio are born critics. Each partner in this relationship stands constantly ready, willing and able to air grievances against the other at a moment's notice. Unfortunately, neither individual takes well to being criticized. If Virgo is the target, then he or she will resort to nagging. If the target is Scorpio, then he or she will undoubtedly withdraw and seethe in resentment. Scorpio individuals have intense likes and dislikes, accompanied by a complex nature and emotional insecurity. Thus, Virgo finds it very difficult to even begin to understand the Scorpio character. In addition, Scorpio is liable to fly into jealous rages for no reason, even if the Virgo partner has proved to be a faithful mate. In addition, the general views of those ruled by Scorpio are not easy for Virgo to take or even agree with, given that Virgo subjects always see the other side of a situation and another's point of view.

Virgo is logical, intellectual and analytical while Scorpio is imaginative, visionary and perceptive. Thus, there is a mutual admiration of the minds here, but both partners will often have trouble in expressing true feelings. Scorpio is by nature volatile but secretive, while Virgo is inherently self-restrained and reserved. There could be conflict between the two regarding who will run things, but Virgo's willingness to compromise will at least keep the Scorpio partner tractable. One of the major drawbacks to this relationship may arise if Scorpio goes to Virgo in search of sympathy and understanding for a perceived wrong. Virgo is sure to rationalize the probability that Scorpio may well have deserved whatever he or she got, leaving Scorpio feeling very upset.

Scorpio is a sensual Sign and will undoubtedly try to entice Virgo into ever bolder sexual adventures, but this could lead to overly demanding behavior on the part of Scorpio, largely due to the Scorpio partner's insecurities and need of reassurance within the relationshp. Indeed, physically romantic interludes may well be the only form of relief in this particular match for the Scorpio partner, given this native's lack of self-expression. Since Virgo is basically cool in character, such an overabundance of ardor may not be handled well. Although Virgo will always feel loved and protected by Scorpio's possessiveness and fierce loyalty, both partners would have to work extremely hard in order to make this relationship a successful one.

Fantastic. Words proven.

Beginning my journey to SG Cosfest 2010

2010-03-31T00:38:00.002+08:00

I've always been fasinated by cosplay ever since years back when I fell in love with anime. Yet because I was still a student then, and because cosplaying is an expensive hobby, I only did what I could- which was to oogle and dream of one day cosplaying for real.

The opportunity arised when I met a friend at work last year. She was a cosplayer herself, and that made me wonder how did she manage to juggle her hobby and work altogether. I was interested, but didn't get going until recently when I made my 2010 new year resolution of trying out cosplaying this year.

A few weeks ago, I started my online research on the playable characters in my friend's team. (She's playing a lead character in Final Fantasy XIII, and of cause being a noob, I needed some company). So I settled for another character who I felt I had a better connection with; Lebreau.

Fast forward to now, I'm in Japan, and I had spent my entire afternoon scouring the streets for cosplay shop. It was lucky that I had foreseen being unable to tell the locals what I had wanted, so I had already prepared a script and had my japanese colleague write the message out in japanese.

My day started with lunch at Shinjuku, then me and another friend split at Shibuya where she went to shop for her craft stuffs, and I, to my cosplay stores.

I was looking for Mandarake, one of the few famous anime/cosplay/manga store brands in Japan. Yet all I had with me was a piece of paper, a vague worded direction guide, NO MAP, and the store address.

Did I mention I LOVE JAPAN?!

One point in time, I found myself not knowing where the hell I was. The next best alternative, I walked into a shopping mall where there were 2 gentle ladies working behind the information counter. I showed one of them the building name where Mandarake was located at, automatically, she withdrew a map in her shirt pocket, located it on her map, proceeded to step outside the mall with me, and hand guided me the way!

Just as you thought that was it, you thank her, yet she bows ever so sincerely and thank you as well. (A;ready expecting that would happen; that Japanese always bow when they thank customers; I too bowed when I thank her too to show my sincerity)

Where on earth have you seen such sincerity, tell me!! ONLY IN JAPAN.

(And it almost always happen, where the locals are really helpful in directions.)

My 120yen vending machine milk tea

Okay so I found the building, and I went to a wrong section. This time the counter girl , knowing absolutely minimal English, drew to her best of ability the correct direction I should go.

I found Mandarake, but it didn't have what I was looking for.

The assistant, with no knowledge of English, drawed out the directions of 2 other different stores that I could try out- Cospatio & Animate.

Leaving the place, it took me 2 more times of asking the shop people where Cospatio was located before I managed to locate Cospa.

Entering, I then realised that the staff were stock-taking, and that it was not supposed to be open for customers today. Then came the Japanese hospitality; one of the staffs behind the counter actually motioned me to hold on for awhile.

2 minutes behind the computer later, she came with a piece of paper with a few English sentences saying that they did not carry what I wanted. I then realised she had used the internet, gone through a language translator to convey the message to me. That gave me an idea, and I motioned if I could use the translator as well.

I spent 20minutes in the store, 2 of us at the side using the internet translator to speak to each other.

Of course there were times when the message came out weird in English, and definitely vice versa when I could tell by her facial expression that she did not quite understand the Japanese that was being translated by the system.

Yet, I still managed to find out that my character's, or even for Final Fantasy XIII, for now, is still not officially produced in Cospa. I even managed to ask her to help me call Animate to ask, saving me the wasted trip of walking another 20minutes to the Animate shop.

The visit for Shibuya was over, and I headed to another area called Nakano.

Nakano Broadway at Nakano area was also a 4 story building for all things anime.

I entered and was amazed!

In general, it was like a 4-story congregation of ALL things anime themed- goth, manga, CDs, posters, videos, cosplay costume stalls, figurines, magazines, anime artwork, etc.

Figma characters- Kevin's favourites.

It was beautiful.

I first entered a Cosmint stall where they had costumes and apparel. Using the internet translator yet again (thanks to my previous encounter in the Cospatio shop and their clever salesgirl) and asked the quote of making my costume for me.

Showing me the final figure after working it out for 10 minutes, my jaws dropped.

When I walked into such shops, I always see their costumes going for 15,000-30,000 yen. I thought that was quite reasonable, being made in Japan and being of fantastic quality.

My shock came when my costume added up to 94,500 yen!!! That is about SGD$1450.00.

10 times more than the one I can customize from Hongkong, 7 times more than from US.

I really wasn't expecting that quote. I thank them still, and walked out the shop flabbergasted and cursing why I wasn't a rich spoilt girl who could afford such luxuries. LOL.

Doll shop selling its body parts; eyes in this picture. Cool!

Little doll shoes~ (Behind inside are the limps/arms/head/etc)

I also walked into Mandarake's costume shop, spoke to a fantastic english speaker (whom I suspect was a English man because of his perfect slang) through the phone because the salesgirl did not understand English, and the answer was the same.

NIL.

He however recommended that I could try to customize a entirely new set from smaller shops in Akihabara, whose quote I guess may scare me also.

So in the end, I didn't go to Akihabara. I'll leave it to next month when I'm back in Japan, but I doubt I would be commissioning my costume in Japan anymore. Language is a disaster here, and I would not want to risk my chance in this year's participation in Cosfest held in July.

30MAR10 (Tue); HEART Japan!

2010-03-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

How can anyone not love Japan; yummy food, fantastic service and kawaii presentations.

Hungry~ ~ ~

"Itadakimasu"

So the problem lies with me?

2010-03-22T01:17:00.001+08:00

Jolyn dedicated this song to me..

Really...

我真的很难过, 我的心真的受伤了.

多情的人注定伤得比较久..

11MAR10 (Thu): zzZzZZz!

2010-03-11T00:43:00.001+08:00

zZzzZzz...

Michael sleeping in the MIDDLE of my bed, where I sleep!

Must nudge him one side later when it is my turn to sleep. Hmph~

M & Ms

2010-03-08T15:16:00.001+08:00

Since 6 March 2010, my family has had a new addition in our household.

Meet Mocha.

She's 6 weeks old, a mongrel saved by a couple from Changi beach.

She was from a litter of 9 puppies, and according to the couple, they have been feeding the mum and her litter for awhile. Ever since 3 went missing, the couple decided to foster out all the puppies and mum to avoid any cruelty cases.

However, the mum did not want to be captured, so in the end, the couple only fostered the remaining puppies.

The couple were really very careful in the adoption process.

They interviewed all interested parties, made all adoptive family sign a written agreement that if we did not want the puppies anymore, that we have to return the dogs back to them.

It makes me happy that there are people who really care until this extend.

Of course my family was given the first piority of choosing the puppies because they were convinced by how we had treated Hugo and the extend we actually went for him.

Kor liked Mocha for her unique Brindle colour.

So yesterday, we took both dogs out to Vivo to have a bath, while we had lunch.

Mocha in the patch.

Michael is still getting used to Mocha. He was curious at first, then he played a little with her.

After awhile, he was actually protective of her. When other dogs came too close to Mocha for his comfort, Michael growled. LOL.

It's nice to see that Michael has a companion whenever we're not around. It may not be the same as Hugo's company, but I sure hope it's better than being the only dog among us humans in the house.

Here's the dogs after a whole day of running and playing about..

It was really hilarious, how Mum reacted upon seeing Mocha the first time. She went "AIYOOOOO" and stood at her doorway for a good 20sec observing her.

Then she stuck her tongue out and commented, "why so ugly?" LOL!!!

Love!

Life of no regrets

2010-03-04T02:53:00.005+08:00

My cousin once ever advised me on my relationship, which was to "just do it" and avoid ever regreting not trying.

That was why I patched back with Elson last time, and till today, I will never regret that decision.

It's really true, that in life, the worst thing to live on is with regret.

That's why I had the strong will to still try my best to work the relationship out eventhough it was torn and tattered.

It's only a pity that he didn't had that will power anymore.

And that's why I had to let go.

But hey, I did it and ending up not regretting one bit. Because at least, I know I did my part and tried my very best.

(Thanks jie~)

I really truly believe in living a life without regrets.

It shows at the way I spent my money, for example.

Yes some of you may think it is "wrong" not saving up majority of what I earn for my future.

All I can respond is that, I DO SAVE. It may not be what you approve of, but let me tell you that I am spending with no regrets.

I do not waste all my money on materialistic things until I have no savings. I call that a endulgence that I give myself once every few months- spend to buy something I like for my happiness.

I splurge on my family members. I mean I literally will. What my Mum wants, I get it for her without a bat of an eyelid. Because she deserves it for sole-handedly bringing us up, and sacrificing her monetary happiness for ours. It is time I repay that back.

I feel that why should one be so thrifty on the happiness of family members, when you'll only regret of being so stingy once if they ever leave you.

I love my family, and they are everything to me.

Try living a life without regret.

(Of course within your conscience too)

I think you'll enjoy the true happiness that is to follow in LIFE itself. =)

Like they always say;

Life is so short. Live it to the fullest without regrets!

And I know that if I die tomorrow, I'll die without regrets.

Reading my fortune this CNY

2010-02-28T04:43:00.001+08:00

I remember doing so (qiu qian) only once, for fun.

Yesterday, same reason- at Guan Yin Miao just for visitation.

This time, a very specific question.

Interpretation: Good.

I hope so.. really do.

R.I.P Hugo

2010-02-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

We rescued him before he was put to sleep by the AVA, yet it was a short life Hugo had; just a little more than 11 months.

Being infected with tick fever caused his red blood cells to drastically fall to a critical amount. Blood transfusion, a life sentenced to the virus, and $6000 later, he still could not escape his sufferings.

Goodbye Hugo.

You really had been wonderful, and a joy to all of us.

I will take care of Michael for you, for I know how protective you have been over Mic.

All of us at home are grieving for you in a different way. Some choose to show, some are stronger. But do know that we hope you are reborned into a better life now, one hopefully, in a true lovely Soka family.

We loved you very much.

You are the first of my dog I seen passing away before me, and I will always remember you as the dog who was a mischievous and stubborn bugger. Yet, it was YOU who brought life into the household, giving us cute surprises of torn up tissues and wrappers all around the entire house, and being the one who secretly bit our personal items to cure your boredom. When I called, you responded only when you felt like it. I always thought you were extremely adorable in that sense; you had your own personality.

Even when you were sick, I could see the stubborness of not ever giving up fighting your illness. Even at your last breath, you didn't want to admit defeat. You never gave up. =")

It was a choice made by your Mummy, and I absolutely agree with it. We don't ever want you to suffer just for our selfish gain by keeping you alive when you are already in such critical condition.

I love you.

Rest in peace and our love.
26FEB10'

2010 CNY gathering @ Butter?! Themed RED so Huat ah!

2010-02-25T01:34:00.009+08:00

So ke lian!!!

I missed the whole CNY atmosphere and gathering, and the next best alternative was a CNY red-themed party at Butter with my cousin and friends held last Saturday on 20FEB.

Entered Butter at 12mn with girls in red (except for Anna who didn't have any reds in her wardrobe) and guys in pink.

Kudos to all who were so sporting. I LOVE sporting peeps! =D

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Look at a summary of all the great pictures we took!

The 3 babes in red; Milly, me & Pearl.

Red & Black combo with Milly's friends; Milly, Kelly, Me, Marval, Pearl.

Add Anna the grey. She didn't have any reds, so made a attempt by wearing an obscured red bangle.

Kelvin on the right.

This is Wayne, a friend of Lincoln's. Really nice don't-look-like-but-is-a-church-going guy. He is quite LOL.

And this mister actually kick started the fun by ordering for us Graveyard. =.=

I and Lincoln attempting to share one mutha-awful drink.

Milly love. She knows how to enjoy. Me likey~

Darren, a waiter at Butter. I found him cute, in the sense it was funny he was working there cause he totally looked like the nerdy type. And he had a very broad smile!

I attempted to win his huge megawatti grin, but of course failed...

Kelvin. My dive buddy, another guy with a knock-out smile. Even guys complimented him before. >.<

Halfway through, we did a yumseng with Apple Shooters.

Yumseng shooters courtesy of Kevin's twin cousin, Marc & Marcus. Name also similar. Piang!

Second yumseng! Darren don't know why join in too. LOL~

The peeps. =)

Milly's friend, OC, joined us midway. In red too! Huat ah~! XP

As Butter closed, we met this groom-to-be, holding his stag night. That green board as you see, was a list of the different types of girls he had to find in Butter.

We were the "Chilli Padi". Woohoo!

Here onwards, I lost my memory..

I got confused when I saw this pic... then Lincoln told me.

Apparantly, he overheard me telling Marcus that "I am not interested in guys who are shorter than me." Wahahha! I know it's mean, and talking about a guy's height is as sensitive as talking about a girl's weight, but I couldn't even remember myself saying that out. Guess that just shows that my words will come out bluntly with more alcohol in me. =P

So what happened was that Marcus and I started taking off our shoes to compare height.

I lost.

He was a little taller than me.

But that doesn't change that I was still not interested in anyone.

So everyone joined in the fun, and took off their shoes too. LOL~

And of course, as usual, I ended up dead shagged and slept through it after.

People who don't know me, may think that I am just another regular clubber. Easy to tackle, easy to bed.

Well, fuck you.

I consider myself as a "dao" clubber. That means I go to club with my friends and only stick with my friends. I'm not interested in knowing new people, I don't see the need to know new ones.

Of course, I do socialise with my friend's friends when they are introduced to me, but that is just hi-bye unless you're not personally deem by me to be another chee hong kia.

So that's it. Till the next time we hold another themed party, which we plan to do so next time.
<3

Forever, in my heart.

2010-02-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

To tell the truth, I would honestly like to stay with you forever. However, if that would mean I was holding you back, then I just want to wish you well on your journey. No matter where you may be, I will never forget you.

And besides, those painful memories are what can help us make it to tomorrow, and become stronger.

That goes for everyone- every single human being has that power within them.

Walk tall. And I, too, will keep walking tall, ever onwards.

We will meet again. Farewell.

That guy is a m-m-monster, he a-a-ate my heart

2010-02-18T02:15:00.000+08:00

Today I was talking to my supervisor, a man who was truly a family man.

I hear him speaking his beliefs, the way he treated and viewed his family, and it was all too familiar to me.

Again, I teared.

He told me, he could feel I really loved that boy. Yes, you.

You never knew, you always doubted.

It was never enough for you.

No one told you.

And even if they did, I didn't think you believed them.

You nitpick for perfection, yet perfection is never the case.

What does it take for you to ever understand how much you could have had.

What does it take for you to ever wake up from your dreams and accept reality.

How I pray for that day to come sooner.

I still do, most of the time.

With this, I leave you with this verse from the song you so frequently listen to:

So go and think about whatever you need to think about

Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about

And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

16FEB10 (Tues): CNY in NYC

2010-02-16T03:16:00.001+08:00

CNY Ham Bao Bao!

Only me and my McDonald Angus Mushroom Swiss.

Huge, but zhen de hen hao chi~

No fair. Everyone has CNY pictures, me no have this 2010!! =(

I am missing all the fun at home. Worst, Shuhui has to depart earlier today to take over someone else.

="(

Shorten trip. SIAN.

Gong Xi Fa Cai~

2010-02-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

My first ang bao received on the stroke of CNY following SG time, by my supervisor.

Such a father figure! =D

It's cold in Frankfurt; -2 degree celcius. But it's the warm company that I am loving.

Even my meal today was subsidized by a very nice colleague.

And Happy Valentine's Day too.

Have a happy time with your loved ones. =)

The logical mind

2010-02-12T00:41:00.002+08:00

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.

Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.

Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

- Buddha

A new experience; surfing @ wavehouse.

2010-02-06T01:16:00.002+08:00

Now that I have all the time and no commitment in the world, naturally I often look for things to occupy myself so that I would limit my emo times.

Just 3 days ago, we decided to visit WaveHouse @ Sentosa.

It was pure surfing; body or standing up. And it was tons of fun!

In attendance were Lincoln, Pearl, Kelvin, Anna and me. (Clockwise)

It was everyone's except Kelvin first times, and of course we fall to learn.

Starting of with the rope.

I cannot tell you how exciting it was, but you have to try it to like it. And since Singapore was such a bore, every now and then, we got to do something new in our lives to live life to its fullest.

Well, the evening turned into night when we ended our last 1hr session at 10-11pm.

But not before I had to leave an impression for everyone, including that guy in charge of coaching and us how to surf.

The wavehouse system had two sides, left and right. At any one point of a time, there would be up to a maximum of 10 people taking turns on each side. I was at the right side, surfing my last round, when I fell as usual, but this time landing with a split.

Adding on, I hammered into the middle barricade, and because there was a cushioned flap in between, I ended up getting myself jammed thigh-high at the end of the barricade.

Note red arrow!

My body was covered by that gushing pile of current, and it didn't help that the people below the slope couldn't see me because of the blind spot and angle. At first they thought I had just ended up at the end as usual, however seeing my hand waving the second time, Lincoln ran up sensing something was amist.

After that, the in-charge plus everyone on my side ran up to help assist. The in-charge tried pulling me out to no avail because of the strong current that jammed me into the barricade.

In all, it took about 5-10s before the machine was off and I was finally being pulled out of the barricade.

Throughout the whole incident, I was calm. In my mind, I had even thought "oh can someone see my hands?", and even did a little prayer. I guess diving does help calm my nerves down in water accidents afterall.

The in-charge had quite a scare, and adding to me that in all his history of working there, I was the first one to be stucked in the barricade.

Am I lucky or what. LOL.

But all is well. The only thing I'd complain was that the split was fucking painful! =P

Anyway, we woke up next day having muscle aches on our whole body. And I as usual, have now blue-blacks all over my leg.

I cannot wait to go again the next time! Officially a wavehouse-lover. =)

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love..

2010-02-02T04:10:00.000+08:00

"My grades were ok, and I graduated. I met my current boyfriend, and he has been so understanding. Everytime I was sad, he would be there to wipe my tears away. He would always bring smiles onto my face, and make me laugh constantly. This relationship is the best of all my past ones, and I am really really appreciative of my fortune. Even though I seldom show it, I have decided to be commited to this guy for as long as he wants me to be."

- Sunday, June 12, 2005

"I have decided to be commited to this guy for as long as he wants me to be."

Believe it or not, I base my love on this throughout my relationship until this day.

Memories; bitter sweet feelings.

The life I am living currently.

2010-02-01T15:27:00.003+08:00

Nothing much to update recently, still the usuals; work, home, outing, clubbing at times.

Talking about clubbing, I really love my new clubbing kakis. Eventhough it is just 4 of us always; Lincoln, Ann, Kian and me, we always never fail to have damn lots of fun.

Ann & Kian are a couple, so Kian is usually Ann's guardian. Lincoln is my bestie, so he's usually my guardian. Ann usually plays evil big sister, so she makes me drink then attempts to take care of me after we both get drunk.

So imagine seeing this 4 people in club, I would laugh my ass off too with the cute sight. Especially when Ann clubs as protective as me, meaning that we don't like to know random people, and we just stick to our own clique. That makes us the group of "dao" clubbers- as I would always put it across to others.

I may club more often than before, now that I have no relationship to occupy my time. Other than that, I catch movies really very often as compared to before with my movie kaki; Nick, and the rest of my other times are meeting up my cousins sometimes for a meal, activity or clubbing as well.

Life is stagnant in a way that I am now free to do whatever I like, whenever I like without obligations to any other persons except my conscience.

However, I still think I fit a life being in a relationship better. It may be partly because I have majority of my life been in one, but it is also because I love to feel love and be in love.

Quarrels and disagreements are part and parcel of a relationship, and I see them positively as opportunities to strengthen the love after a couple clears and comes to a mutual agreement. After so many years in relationships, I have also come to a point where I know myself and my criterias so well that it scares me not being able to find one that would fit those bills.

Yes there are major must-haves for me, and many minors good-to-haves too. I also know there isn't any Mr Perfect in the world.

And I know talking more about this scares the shit out of me too, because what if I remain single till I die? Well, we never know. As hard as I try, I am having great difficulty unloving my ex-boyfriend. I may never find someone good enough to captivate my heart and commitment, or I may never have the courage to pursue another relationship anymore. Who the hell knows.

For now, this is just me- single and utterly complicated.

The love I lost, the lesson I learned, the life I gained.

2010-01-27T20:02:00.003+08:00

One day, I talked to a male counterpart, and he gave me some insides to relationship and marriage.

He told me, that in life, we would never find the perfect one to marry; simply because no one but in fairytales is perfect. We would only married the least wrong one.

He also told me, that as we age and mature, our criterias in a mate changes.

I thought about it, and came to my own conclusion.

It broke my heart to have to end my relationship with Elson, because we were simply no longer moving forward. Or probably, I don't see him being able to move forward anymore.

I was working towards improving things. Yes I still had the same old temper, same old sensitivity, same old values. But I was striving with a determined mindset, one that would not give up easily when things turn sour because of quarrels or disagreement, one of commitment, dialogue, mutual support and marriage in future with me being the best wife and mother if possible.

The day I decided to end our relationship was the day he told me that he could no longer strive hard on putting in effort to our relationship, because of the 5 years of torment I had made him endured. 5 years of, what he puts it as; temper, anger issues, never ending expectations and a lost of pride because I constantly put him down.

The day I decided to end our relationship was also the day he told me he felt that there was no longer any sparks in the relationship, eventhough I had misled myself to believing the sparks had return there and then during that period.

The day I decided to end our relationship, my heart shattered once more. It wasn't the notion of breaking up that hurt me, but it was acknowledgement that the love I once had is no longer around. In turn, it was replaced by a love that was undetermined, unpure and full of doubts and selfishness.

I know, I could no longer love him the same.

It hurt to be without him, but it hurt even more to be with him too.

Few days ago, he told me he had wished I had changed and improve my temper, including others I could have guessed.

All I could think was that it was another stamp of assurance that my choice of a breakup was the right one. Because he hadn't accepted the real me in the first place. He was only wanting a different person altogether.

We were no longer happy with each other. He was full of grudge and doubts over our relationship, and I was full of disappointment knowing that he was carrying this burden.

Coming back to what I had talked about in the beginning of this post, I finally understood those words coming out.

In life, we have criterias in our mate of choice. Some criterias are must-haves, and some are just good to have. And knowing these, we would only settle down with those best fitting those criterias, who are the least wrong ones.

For example; a girl who values money and looks more than character and commitment, would settle down with someone who may be able to give her wealth and luxury, but stinge on commitment and loyalty. If she is okay with that, who are we to say that she is stupid?

Because that is a choice she made, to sacrifice loyalty for monetary worth.

She has a different criteria that she value, does that mean she is stupid or evil? Who are we to say that it is wrong for her to want money rather than loyalty? It may be something we would not choose, but it is afterall her own life and values. We shouldn't start playing God here, and should learn to accept people for who they are, unique or difficult as can be as long as their actions do not harm us. And even if they do harm you, just move out of the way and avoid. Simple as that.

Well, everyone has their own different sets of criterias from one another, which boils down to the point that shows that everyone on earth would have someone who loves them for who they are no matter how ugly/fat/bad/greedy/selfish they are.

Like me for instance. I know I'm tempremental, and it doesn't help my fuse is short. A man who values having a mild temper as one of his must-have criteria would of cause not take me into consideration of choosing his mate. However if a man values commitment over temper, then I think he would give me a second thought.

It's a give and take world we live in; you win some, you lose some.

I can never find a guy who is tall, rich, handsome, commited, romantic and funny altogether. That's Edward Cullen; impossible.

But I know what can I sacrifice, what I definitely want in my mate, and how to choose in time to come. Put the drive and motivation in Elson, he would be just what I am looking for. But since it won't be the case, I am left to heal my wounds until I get better, then maybe I'll start opening my heart to other opportunities in future.

For now, I will embrace singlehood without the wanting of a new relationship. I don't believe in rebounds, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone for any selfish gains on my part.

Miss you Manado..

2010-01-27T14:07:00.001+08:00

It was a gorgeous and fun trip to Manado, with blue waters, funny divers and the beautiful sea.

I could just do this forever...

1st holiday cum dive of 2010

2010-01-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

Goodbye again, Singapore.

6D5N holiday trip to Manado, one of the best dive spots in the world.

Leaving later at 9plus am by Silkair. I wonder how the flight's gonna be.

Heh heh!

Ok bye people. Will try to tweet or post pic in Manado if there's Wifi or complimentary internet at our resort. =)

07JAN10 (Thu): A hard journey

2010-01-07T14:37:00.002+08:00

If you just realize what I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another

Just realized what I just realized

We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now...

White Horse

2010-01-06T03:31:00.002+08:00

An inevitable ending afterall..

25DEC09 (Fri): MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2009-12-25T14:22:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

From my Kerokeroppi & Me <3

Reached SG at 7am this morning, heading to Thailand at 7pm tonight.

(And you are seeing a face with only 2.5hrs of sleep for 48hrs)

Whatever makes me happy, it is worth it.

2009-12-21T15:38:00.002+08:00

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares

and how lucky he is to have YOU...

The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her...

Butter Love!

2009-12-21T02:32:00.003+08:00

Cousin Love!! <3

@ Butter on Saturday night~

(Just a little nibble, till I get more sent to me, then I'll upload in FB. =D)

20DEC09 (Sun): Who is this?

2009-12-20T20:26:00.001+08:00

My new companion in bed.

Can you guess? =P

Life isn't a bed of roses

2009-12-16T12:21:00.001+08:00

Embrace your emotions, and start living.

Brandy- Have you ever

2009-12-16T03:22:00.000+08:00

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It's makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

I have...

Christmas 09' is coming..

2009-12-14T21:27:00.003+08:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There's just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is...

You

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There's just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won't make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas

I don't even wish for snow

I'm just gonna keep on waiting

Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it

To the North Pole for Saint Nick

I won't even stay awake to

Hear those magic reindeers click

'Cause I just want you here tonight

Holding on to me so tight

What more can I do

Baby all I want for Christmas is you

Ooh baby

All the lights are shining

So brightly everywhere

And the sound of children's

Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing

I hear those sleigh bells ringing

Santa won't you bring me the one I really need

Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas

This is all I'm asking for

I just want to see my baby

Standing right outside my door

Oh I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Baby all I want for Christmas is...

You

No more Miss Nice

2009-12-09T02:10:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I think I'm too nice, so much so I get "bullied" into playing down my reaction.

Today was not one of those days, and I confronted an Uncle, at the traffic light, infront of other people.

I was at my house traffic lights, minding my own business with my mp3 player, when out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a Uncle who was 2 feet to my left. Why I noticed him instantly was because that bloody bastard, who stood slightly to the front, kept peering back at me. Well, at my breast.

Mind you, I was wearing a sleeved top with an additional V-neck spag blouse inside.

Anyway, I held my cool for awhile, thinking its one of those perverts who were up to their swaying eyes again. I wouldn't have minded if it was discreet (because which man's eyes don't roam, but his was too obvious as he turned his head 60 degrees towards his right and angled his head down to make an imaginary straight line parallel to the direction of my chest). But this went on for about 15s until I could take it no longer, which therefore led me to stare at him straight into his eyes.

He looked at me in the eyes, then continued to stare at my cleavage. He turned away again for another second or two, before his head made another swift turn and his eyes were back to its original peep position.

Wah! I was furious.

I took off my left side of my earphones, and asked him in a menacing way (soft yet serious), "kan she me kan?!" (Direct translation to "see what see")

And he could even answer me, "kan ni loh" (Direct translation to "see you loh"), coupled with some soft mumbles which I could not make of while turning his head away.

I continued staring at him, and to his luck, the green man came on and he walked onwards as if nothing had happened.

Yucks. I was visually boob-raped, somemore by a seemingly those kind of uncle who sits in the kopitiam all day drinking beer and people watching.

Yet, I'm glad I confronted him. No more a teenager who suffers silently.

I cannot help but fantasize what I would do if I caught someone molesting me... XP

I HEART my bestie.

2009-12-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

Money can never replace how fortunate I am to have a bestie who is able to pinpoint my mistake without hesitation.

I never do like cushioned cold hard facts. If I fucked up, I know my bestie will be there to tell me I fucked up. This is something a BGR can never have entitlement to (because of apparent reasons).

That's why, best friends lasts forever, and I know who ranks number 1 in that. =)

If you have a friend who would even bother scolding you for a character flaw, count yourself lucky there is someone truthful and sincere around you.

Trust; strong & brittle at the same time

2009-12-04T03:22:00.000+08:00

I really had my eyes stretch wide open this time round.

Sometimes when I think about it, it's ironic how people misuse their trust given to them by their partners so easily. One feeling I could describe on that- disgusting.

I cannot stand it when a person so blatantly look for extra curiculum activities when their partners are not around. So what if you are overseas and free to roam? I thought relationships are built on trust and the mutual understanding that you are exclusive to only one?

Men especially. Whether married, with children or in a long term relationship. It does not mean that since your sex organ is hung out in the open, that gives you an excuse to roam.

Personally, even if I were single, I wouldn't also want to give myself the entitlement of "fulfilling my personal needs" and in the end, be seen as an easy target.

This trip is just too much for me.

I feel sad for the partners that are oblivious to secret activities happening behind their backs.

I was brought up totally believing in karma and retribution, and would never want similar case to happen to me, much less me doing it to my partner.

But then again, maybe not everyone was brought up with the same mindsets, thus separating the different standards that everyone has regarding their choices in life.

Life is getting more & more frightening and tiring as I get older...

Even something good produces Evil

2009-12-01T04:19:00.000+08:00

It amazes me how Love functions.

Love brings out a best in someone. Well, true one that is.

Love gives you the strength to do things that you don't normally do.

Love gives you the perserverence to overcome adversities that are damned.

Love also changes you into a better person.

But what happens when Love becomes a devil in its own making?

Everything aboved happens too, just that in the opposite direction.

She had showcased the world her undevoted love for him, but to spot her being different than what she portrayed after Love has betrayed her, it must have been hard for her.

I feel for her.

I hope you find someone more worthy, eventhough I may not even know you personally.

I wish you all the best.

I wish Us all the best.

Rapid heartbeat.

2009-11-29T19:12:00.001+08:00

Daily nightmares.
Countless worries.
It feels like disaster's repeating itself.

Death.
How odd that it sounds so peaceful to me now.
The serenity, the peace and quiet, the darkness.

I feel so dark now.

Beyonce- Poison

2009-11-23T18:43:00.001+08:00

PostSecret Similarity #1

2009-11-23T06:48:00.000+08:00

by PostSecret

Man.. I remembered my dentist visits in the past. This is exactly spot on on how I felt too.

I had a dentists who couldn't stop asking me questions. I was annoyed during every visit. I have to wonder, do these people lack basic common sense? >.<

21NOV09 (Sat): 632cal Salad

2009-11-21T21:23:00.001+08:00

Huge-ass salad; SG's dinner, NY's breakfast.

632cal worth of vegetables! I'm keeping the dressing to a minimum.

(Did I mention this salad after conversion cost about SGD$11.. common price tag, btw)

One thing I dislike about being in USA, it messes my sleep & meal pattern. Doesn't help food portions here are often (not always) huge.

And there are plentiful sinful choices tempting you constantly through the shops' windows.

Eat wise.

21NOV09 (Sat); 13hours behind SG in NY

2009-11-21T05:05:00.001+08:00

Good morning Singapore, eventhough it's still in the afternoon here.

New York, been there yet still haven't done it all.

StarDust still a must breakfast joint to visit everytime, purely for its cheery singing wait staffs.

This time bought gorgeous peanut M&Ms in BABY PINK, BABY BLUE AND PURPLE, all because they were so pretty & too cute to resist!!!

Also bought cupcakes & its famous banana pudding from a bakery made famous by Sex & the City; Magnolia Bakery.

Had a bite of its banana pudding already. One description; to die for.

Spent within budget (but still more than what I had expected) on this visit.

Strived to spend the least possible.

Need to save for my future, and it starts NOW.

Maturing..

2009-11-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

It's scary how I realised I'm growing up, aging and maturing further.

Thoughts that were never there is now beginning to stream into my mind every now and then. Dislikes slowly become more endearing, to the point that I have now like them.

My own house.
As a wife.
Housework.
My husband.
Children.

Oh my tian!

I am scared yet happy. Scared that what I hoped would not materialise, happy that I am even grown up enough not to avoid but to look forward to the next stage of my life.

Luckily, I don't have a partner who avoids settling down. In fact, he thinks family thoughts way before I started.

For now, I'll just enjoy my remaining time still "single" in the eyes of the Law, for I would have much more time being "married" in future.

ILY, cc. <3

4NOV09 (Wed): AM in SG, PM in Paris!

2009-11-04T02:26:00.000+08:00

Love from Paris, in my nightie.

The moment I stepped foot onto the land of romance, I started missing Singa City immediately.

Damn.

What does it take to make me like this place, ever?

I wonder...

Happy Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

It's a pity I couldn't had arrived at Zouk earlier than I wanted to, therefore when I did after midnight, it was expectedly quite packed.

Dressed up as a sexy nun. Costume bought and flown all the way from Gold Coast alright! Hehe!

Too bad I didn't have a full body picture to show off my leggings paired with heels. (PEARL!!!!! WHY NEVER TAKE. WAH LIEW~!!! =P)

Pearl and I decided not to enter once Phuture tickets were sold out, and the only reason we had intended to go was because my friends (who in the end flew our aeroplane) and a mutual friend (who was stuck in Phuture and couldn't come out to find us) were supposed to meet us there to party together.

So, we headed to a private house party of Pearl's buddy, at some ulu arty-farty place hidden in town.

It rocked. Mainly due to the sponteneous people at the party.

I LOVE SPONTENEOUS PEOPLE!!!!

Till 2010 then. Can't wait! =D

Treasure all that's around you; material and non.

2009-10-27T02:59:00.000+08:00

I am grateful I am able to afford branded stuffs once in awhile when I succumb to my temptations.

I am grateful life has been better for me than it was before.

I didn't start out rich, neither well-to-do nor average. In fact, I could had been borderline poor if not for my ever hardworking Mum.

Mum did an excellent job raising us up, I must say.

Eventhough none of her children may be graduates of any degrees, yet 2 out of her 3 children now hold stable and good paying jobs. All 3 children love her to bits, and are devoted to taking care of her all her life.

We know who brought us up. Who slogged through years of single-parenthood, working shifts just to bring home food on the table. Who sacrifice her wants to see to our needs, who ignore her personal likes to give us what we wanted.

I will never ever forget my roots.

I will remember my hard journey to adulthood, and I appreciate everything material around me now. I may not be rich, but I am fortunate to be able to save up and afford the things I fancy once in awhile.

I may envy rich kids who are blessed with every material wants they ever have in their lives, but they would never have the enriching life lessons I have enquired so far in my life.

I may not be financially rich, but I already feel rich. Rich with my family's love, and real friends around me.

I love you guys. I really do.

25OCT09 (Sun): Home Sweet Home

2009-10-25T17:04:00.004+08:00

Went for an inpromptu hair treatment before my eyebrow appointment.

Love love my hand-blown waves. Wished I had 2 personal stylist to do such pampering for me.

*Wish!*

Checked up the price of my bag in SG.

I saved $300! And it's OOS in SG now. Woohoo!

Going for my primary school classmate's wedding dinner soon, with my ex-primary school crush, outfit matched with my new purchase. Hehe!

Should I do my 10cm killer Loubbie heels too? Hmmm..

Feeling loved by Elson. Want more please!! No, DEMAND more, please? XP

I feel happy today. Really happy.

23OCT09 (Fri): Evening!

2009-10-23T19:44:00.001+08:00

HERE I COME TOWN..

AND MY PERFECT BAG!!! <3

*excited*

*anxious*

*hungry*

23OCT09 (Fri): Morning!

2009-10-23T10:38:00.003+08:00

Ciao, Good morning!

10.35am in SG, 4.35am in Milano.

Missing SG! <3

I want Pizza today! Or maybe pasta... hmmm...

22OCT09 (Thu): 1st of my MiniMe(s)

2009-10-22T17:23:00.001+08:00

Snacking on Olives, in Milano.

Going for Italiano in Milano.

Did I mention, I love the Italiano cuisine?

YUMS!

Yes- at last!

2009-10-21T23:35:00.004+08:00

INSPIRATION AT LAST!

Now I know how I would continue blogging during my non-inspirational days. You'll see next time.

I call it my MiniMe(s).

Stay tune..

Where's my Mojo??

2009-10-14T16:07:00.002+08:00

Damn it, I've lost my groove.

No inspiration to blog, no pictures to whore here to distract you from that fact too. In fact, all the pictures of both my Australia trips (08' & 09') is still in Elson's computer to this very day.

Soon, once I get my hand on my thumbdrive that should be lying around somewhere in my house, I shall bring it over to my laptop.

Work has been shitty since I came back from my trip for the fact that I am so used to the relaxed lifestyle of the Aussies. It's like as if I've gotten myself a whole new perspective of life. I love Australia's easy and slower pace of life as compared to Singapore's kiasu and fast-till-you're-gonna-go-mad pace. It doesn't help that the people in Australia are so nice and easy-going that you could just strike a conversation with anyone. People reciprocrate your eye contact with a smile, as compared to Singapore where you get an invitation to a one-on-one (in our teens) or a glare.

Life is definitely good there, other than its expensive pricetag on every meal, and probably the fact that the shop closes at 5pm even before the Sun has gone down. But still, I wouldn't mind migrating.

Oh yes! The M word; migration.

All my life, I hadn't thought of the act for the fact that I love Singapore so much! However, after 2 weeks there, in a country with nicer house, friendlier people and a relax lifestyle, I wouldn't stay I wasn't at all tempted. Plus the fact one of my closest cousin is already situated there, Australia doesn't seem that bore of a place to live in.

But talk is free. So please don't quote me next time when I declare I love SG, because I still do, and SG will always be home to me.

I'll abruptly end here then, with a (crazy) webcam picture of me which I took out of utter boredom.

BYE.

2 weeks came and left...

2009-10-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

A new beginning, a better future; perhaps?

Hearts pound, fear amidst

Future lays unknown, but hopes stays afresh.

An update before I jet off...

2009-09-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

... for my TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY!

XP

Hugo & Michael

Getting along fine with each other, with occasional gay scenes portrayed when Michael decides to do a little nibble and lick all over Hugo.

Michael recently also suffered a bound of diarrhea, which the vet suspects that it may be due to one of his new treats being made of cow hide. Cow hide is hard to digest, and is not very well recommended for the digestive system of smaller dogs. So both dogs had home-cooked chicken with rice that was lovingly prepared by Mum for 4 days, before we switched back to the dry food. (Point to note: rice causes dogs to put on weight, so don't feed your dog too often.)

Michael has never been a problem for us- naturally house-trained and obedient.

Hugo, on the other hand, has peed and shat countless time in the house, played with our shoes (but luckily no bite marks), dug up mum's plant soil, and bitten out the fluff in his cushion. Not to mention, given us surprises when he decides to pee secretly in our bedrooms, before excusing himself nonchalently.

He is officially banned from my room ever since I caught him peeing beside me while I was taking out my lingerie from my drawer. I prefer not taking any chances, till he gets house and toilet trained properly.

A special day today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELAFANTASTIC!!! <3

My two weeks holiday?

To Australia, with Elson.

First to Gold Coast, where I will visit the Wet & Wild park that I had missed on my last trip. Eventhough the weather may be cold, I would rather beat the summer crowd. =P

Most looking forward is to also visit Maybel in Perth!!! =D

Mum & my aunts will also be joining us in Perth, and we will all meet up for a countryside roadtrip organised by my Perth couple. Aww, cannot wait.

So sayonara peeps.

xoxoxo.

Photo-log #3: 23th Birth-day

2009-09-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

The night before my birthday, where I met my friends at The Backyard immediately after coming back from my Live On-board for drinks and a small gathering.
(Too bad I only started taking pictures after everyone left, leaving only 3 people at the end of the night finishing up the wines I brought.)

Lincoln picking me up from my place to head there together.

Lincoln's little balloon surprise. Makes me happy! (I am easily satisfied. Tsk!)

Bobby loving my red wine.

Smile! Literally X)

I was starting to get high...

Loves feeling like a child again- sometimes!

Actual day of my birthday, where I met Elson for Ikea shopping, slacking and dinner afterwards.
(Pictures only has our trip to Ikea, yet it was the most fun I had of all my Ikea trips so far)

Always not wanting to take proper pictures..

Nice right this purple display room!

A birthday cake hat for the birthday girl~

Hippo galore!

Sleeping beast??

Sleeping beauty! HAHA!

Disco-ing with my giant spider. =P

Bodyguard with his giant porcupine.

Elson's monster dog, Mylo. SO different from Michael!

******************************************************************

That's about it. Simple and visual.

I'm now in Dubai, doing absolutely nothing interesting. I'm glad to be heading home in a couple of hours time, as a passenger! Woohoo!

And then day after tomorrow, I'll be jetting off to Australia for my 10 days holiday! Gold Coast then Perth to visit Maybel! Yays! <3

Cannot wait!

A companion for Michael??

2009-09-13T01:40:00.001+08:00

Just 10 minutes ago, I learnt that I had another dog brought back by my brother. So now, for a temporary period, there's Hugo.

Hugo, I believe, is a rottweiler mix. That means he would grow up sooner or later..

I've heard of Hugo before, but have yet to interracted with him. What I have found out so far is just Hugo is just brought to my house temporarily until my brother's girlfriend can get her Mum to allow a pet into theirs.

This got me thinking, what if she doesn't? Wouldn't Michael's temporary companion become permanant? Wouldn't I have 2 dogs to take care of, and wouldn't that give me more headaches? Haha! Until I interract with Hugo, I cannot tell you whether it has been a blessing to have him at home. I just hope Hugo wouldn't influence Michael to change his gentle nature.

Can't wait to get back home on Monday!

Surprise Japan Lunchbox-inspired meal.

2009-09-10T02:14:00.001+08:00

Something I cooked few weeks back. Everything was done from scratch, and took me approximately more than 3 hours in total.

(Note pink coloured rice and black & white sesame rice. My quail eggs even had faces inprinted on them okays!)

All using tools flown in from Japan, personalized creativity and pure craftsmenship.

Dessert being red heart-shaped traditional agar agar.

How not to feel loved?

Hehe!

xoxo,
jOy

Photo-log #2: Live Onboard Dive Trip

2009-09-08T17:00:00.000+08:00

Live Onboard the MV Beach Boy on the 4-6 September 2009.
A $800 birthday present I gave to myself; my first live onboard and my advance diving certification. Nothing beats such experience of a lifetime. =D

Day 1: 4SEP Friday

We sat the tour bus for about 3 hours into Malaysia and reach the jetty at midnight.

Able to see our stack of dive equipments? =)

Narrow walkway.

MV Beach Boy at last!

Briefing after arrival.
Our girls-only bunk.

Other bunks; top is for our dive masters/instructors.

Day 2: 5SEP Saturday

One full day of diving; in total we (advance divers)did 5 dives. 4 day dives, 1 night one. Weather was perfect! =D

GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Me looking like Ms Pufferfish.

Between our second and third dive, many of us went to the sundeck to slack. It was like a tea party, the music was blasting from 2 large speakers, and we did the most incredible activity; BOAT DIVING.

One by one, we lined up to jump 1 story down into the water from the boat's roof. Amazing! =D

Beach boys~
Add a babe into the group.
(I happen to look retarded in this picture from my camera. Got to get better ones from the camera of the girls. Haha!)
Slackers.
Jinhui jumps!
This part is funny.. my self-dive shots.
I call this the Giant Stride. Exact way how divers should enter the water, just that this moment I was caught without my dive gears. Super hilarious!
I look retarded. =(
Ok. Babes diving time. Group jump!!

Yay!! <3
Boat people. (Working on boat)
This is funny!! Hahaha! Superman!!!
Hunks diving time. Actually have 5 guys, but one jumped out of the camera's view on my left. XP

After this action packed activity, we continued our dive/slack/dive/eat/dive/slack motion all the way till night.

Our advance diving instructor- Stephen!

One of our meals. (This is the leftovers kept specially for those who did the night dive)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! O.O!!!!!

Day 3: 6SEP Sunday

Last day of our LOB trip. =(

Woke up at 10am to breakfast then a last dive. Was suppose to have an additional dive but the weather wasn't on our side, causing the water to be too choppy. =(

Nonetheless, took alot of self-indulgent pictures and lovely shots on our journey back to main land! (Not all shown here la! XP)

"Good" Morning!

Beautiful weather still. Sun was not sorching even at noon <3.

Bimbo us. =P

I am liking my pink & white combi. =)

My hair has a life of its own! Haw haw~
So romantic!! Kite flying on boat.
Wheeeeeeeee~

Me & Jinhui; the fish encyclopedia. He's so cute, and an absolute aquarist. (People who are hobbist in building reefs in their fish tanks at home. Amazing and freak expensive hobby I found out!)

Been a long time since I last sun tanned.

<3
Jinhui slacking with his junk food. HAHA!

Sweet couple. (Not real couple ah. Just made believe. Heh!)
Slackers at the side. Chey, no fun!
Pi Jiu Mei~
Leaving the Beach Boy.... =(
Gino, Pearl & Me.

Boat Men, byebye!

Goodbye, and till we meet again!! (Definitely!)
The wooden ladder leading to the mainland jetty.

In all, it has been a wonderfully satisfying trip.

The list of more iconic marine life I spotted were:
- Hawksbill turtle
- Stingray
- Sea snake
- Horseshoe crab (deceased but still intact)
- Sea Urchins
- Anemone shrimps
- Crab
- Planktons (lit blue at night when you off our light and wave your hands around underwater)
- Billions of fishes

Till my next dive then~

P.S: Not all pictures are with me now as I haven't had the chance to gather from other sources of camera, so these pictures are only the ones from my personal camera.

P.P.S: More pictures (and constantly updated ones) to be found in my facebook album! =)

7 September 2009

2009-09-07T17:26:00.002+08:00

It's my 23th Birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It has been a fantastic weekend, and so-far a wonderful day.

Photo-log: My first & most meaningful trip overseas

2009-08-30T03:57:00.001+08:00

A memory that is meaningful to me, because this trip marked alot of events.

1. Furthest I ever travelled to (The furthest I travelled before this opportunity was to Thailand when I was much younger, because my family couldn't afford long distance holidays)
2. First western country I've visited.
3. First country my work sent me to.

SYDNEY.
(I know I look almost all the same in every picture, so just focus on the background instead!)